someone threw a dead crab at me
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
