No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
