you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
