theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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