I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
