what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
