your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You work out of a Hotel?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
