Soap is not a condiment
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize