just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize