I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
