And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
