He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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