I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
