The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
