drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
