No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
