I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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