I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she peed on how many people?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
