Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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