i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
