I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
