I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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