I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize