Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
