i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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