My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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