Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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