His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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