I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
