D3 body, D1 cock
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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