she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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