I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize