I wish I could teleport
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
