I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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