Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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