Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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