hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
