just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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