No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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