I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
this is an emotional support booty call
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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