so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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