His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize