Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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