Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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