I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
