Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Randomize
