I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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