so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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