I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
