i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
