Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
