If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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