Your mouth is God's brothel.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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