dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
