I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
