Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
