did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
