So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
