remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
