I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
