people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Randomize
