I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
