whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
