is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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