i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize