Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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