sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
