Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i out mim tonsoeep
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