I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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