You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
