No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
