I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
