never play flip cup with pint glasses
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize