I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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