The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize