To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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