After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
