just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
