Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
