they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
