i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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