Who did Billy Mays play for?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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