i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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