walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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