Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
