how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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