dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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