My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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