I molested 6 butterflies tonight
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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