Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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