Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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