I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
