like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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