So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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