Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
