I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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