Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
