Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I look better un-naked...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
