Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
should my penis look like a turkey
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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