After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
