Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
