This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
