i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
